Saturday, December 26, 2009

Fun With The Camera Phone

This place used to be a Chinatown "erotic" massage parlour. It has been converted into a Lower East Side-style trashy bar and dance club with an equally classy name, Happy Ending. I walked past it one evening and noticed this sign on an otherwise unremarkable-looking side door to the place. The handwritten Chinese says, "No massage, just a bar." (Mei you ah mo, zhi you jiu ba.) Apparently they have problems with some of the old parlour's long-time patrons not getting the memo about the change in their business model.

You and me both, bud.

Still, not the ugliest or most terrifying rat in Manhattan. And what IS that? An udder?

Hahahaha! New York humor.

A bug I found in my stir fry at XO Kitchen in Chinatown. When we pointed it out to the waitress, she replied, "Are you sure it didn't just drop in there after we served it to you?" Then the manager rushed over and told us he'd give us the dish for free, and apologized. Finally, someone in New York who gives a crap about customer service.

My neighborhood grocery store is Associated. Among New York grocery chains, it's better than C-Town, Gristedes and Key Foods in terms of quality and selection, but prices can be inconsistent - and mostly too high. But I forgave everything when I discovered that they have this plastic bag recycling bin! Also, just outside the store is a large metal bin for used clothes that you want to donate. It works like a mailbox or book drop where you pull a handle and a door rolls open so you can put stuff inside. When I tried to open it, though, it was either frozen shut, or someone had welded it shut to prevent people from dumping garbage inside or just taking a dump...inside.

Oh yeah, Bellevue Hospital says Merry Christmas! And right this way to the emergency room.

Now, Bellevue happens to be the oldest public hospital in the U.S. (founded before Independence) and is actually referred to as a "Hospital Center" because it's easier than saying Labyrinthine Fire Hazard And Easy Place To Make Someone Mysteriously Disappear And Never Heard From Again. I work in what they call "New Bellevue." This implies that there is an "Old Bellevue." But let me ask you this. How new is a place where there are bathtubs with non-working fixtures in the patient restrooms? I say bathtubs plural because...

In case you need to bathe two patients at the same time who both happen not to mind being naked and taking a bath next to someone else.

And why is it called a camera phone? Shouldn't it be called a phone camera?


Sageauk said...

Hahaha Hilarious.

C Money said...

You should move to DC. It's like probably 95% as expensive, 90% as surly a customer service, but tons more parks+nature, also more yuppified which should appeal to a native houstonian.

Justina said...

How is yuppification related to Houston? Or more importantly, to my po'ass ways o'livin'? Your stereotypes need some work. Come back to Brooklyn and count dog poo with me in the meantime.