Sunday, October 31, 2010

Brief Interviews With Hideous New Yorkers

Okay, so most of the fascinating individuals you're about to hear from weren't actually hideous. Maybe just the young woman who walked past me this morning holding a sign in her mouth that said something apocalyptic about David and Goliath. I couldn't help it; I stared. She was holding a sign in her mouth.

Apparently she thought I was being rude. "Blah blah blah blah CUNT. Get a job," she said as she passed me, the sign temporarily extracted from her mouth.

Taxi drivers also seem to bring great joy into my life, but usually without the verbal abuse. One guy pointed to his face while giving me change and said, "Your beauty mark is nice."

"Oh," I said. "Well, thanks."

"My wife has one, too. I love it on her!"

This weekend at the farmer's market a friendly old lady came up to me, bright pink lipstick all over her face like a 3-year-old had applied it. "You should try some basil," she said. "The Italians use it."

"Oh, I see," I said, eyeing the sickly bunches wilting in the late afternoon. "Looks like they're almost sold out."

"Here, you should try this bok choy," she said. "You'll like it. It's Chinese."

Well, technically, by that logic, I should hate bok choy. Every pro-Independence Taiwanese person knows that nothing good has ever come out of that undemocratic foreign regime across the Strait, and especially not leafy greens.

My office mate the Epidemiologist recently came back from a trip to Taiwan and now has a picture of a beautiful mountain range on her desktop. One of the attendings wandered into our office and noticed the Epidemiologist's new wallpaper.

"Oh, is that picture from your trip? You went to China, right?" Doctor Smarty asked.

"No, I went to Taiwan to visit my family," the Epidemiologist said. "The picture is of a mountain in central Taiwan that I visited while I was home."

"Oh, okay," Doctor Smarty said. "So then, is that the Great Wall?"

Trick question of the day: What country is the Great Wall of China in?

Monday, October 11, 2010

Work In Progress

Hey reader reader! I just set up a new blog with some recent drawerings. The template will be less painful on the eye soon.

The first (and only) post is about the most beautiful man on earth. Enjoy!